Marriage or Loneliness
Monday, June 12, 2006



I read in the English sabla today a topic where the thread starter asked if it's better to get married to someone who loves you (or respects you) or to stay alone.

Surprisingly a lot of the women answered that they would rather get married because it gives them a chance to experience marriage and have kids if god wills or even someone to talk to..rather than be alone.

Some said they would marry a friend, some said they would go for arranged marriage but the conclusion is that 90% said they would get married.

When I was a teenager I used to say I would never get married to someone I didn't love. As I believed, and still do, that marriage needs to be based on love, because with love comes respect and tolerance of faults and also love in itself is exciting. And I stuck to that, I got married to a man I loved.

But I was lucky. Alot of people don't have that chance of love and they decide to get married to someone they respect and feel they will have a compatible marriage with and I used to look down on those people thinking to myself " how can anyone get married without love" but I feel ashamed of that now.. even if the marriage turns out to be unsuccessful it is better to experience life than to sit on the sidelines.

Of course I am biased, because I am married and could not imagine being alone. But I still believe its better to get married than to be alone. Chosing someone respectful and compatible is the key. It does not have to be a great love or a great passion. Who knows, love could come after marriage and for those who are in love and married, love can fade away. The Key to a successful marriage is RESPECT, with respect comes love, communication and all the other factors. RESPECT is the essence not love.

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11 comment(s):

But why gurl u say "surrprisingly" 90% said yess to marrige .. that made me think that you think that opposit :P

i agree with you gurl, respect and faithfulness (which comes naturally with respect as part of respect is to not betray) are more important or more of a strong base than love only.

to me the choice is easy! Marry some1 who loves u and respect u rather than live alone! that offcourse if you dont have some1 who u love.

I mean why live alone?! some ppl get married to ppl who dont even love them like both sides dont love each other but still they would rather give it a try and choose to get married hoping for best rather than stay alone waiting for PERFECT life! which never exists a9lan.

I say as long as you dont have anyone special and as long as the other person loves u and respects you or even is not forced to marry you, then NEVER choose to be alone!

Well hoenslty i think gurls nowadays think lil about that perfect man coz there are few men anywayz so grab anyone who wants to grab u hehehehe

By Blogger FerreroRoche, at 12:53 PM  

I read that topic too.. I thought to myself, well yeah if I couldn't find anyone who loved me then I might just go for someone with whom I can marry and have a family because I don't want to be alone or without kids forever..

But you know what? I know myself, I wouldn't be able to do it unless I had some life-altering change that turned me into someone else.... I cannot see myself saying yes to a man whom I don't love or doesn't love me. I wouldn't want to create a family based on that either...

I totally understand women who would go for that, but unfortunately I doubt I have the tolerance to go through something like that.

By Blogger Samyah, at 5:21 PM  

ok regarding respect i agree with u 100%... but the thing i noticed with men (or at least the ones i met) is that once they know how educated or smart u r they start backing off... Even if i c him as a man, he doesn't c himself as "man enough" for me as if he's gonna marry my certficates!!!... sad but true and realistic... still waiting for some1 who'd love me for ME!

By Blogger MiMi, at 9:52 PM  

sam, yeah i know what you mean, i don't think i would have been able to do that either but then i can afford to say that since al 7amdullilah i met the man i love and i married him. so i guess it doesn't sound convincing from me.

Ferrero, everyone dreams of the perfect man.. its only as we get older that we change it to the "perfect man for me" and then " a man who loves me" and finally " a man who respects me"

Mimi, i do believe that alot of men are intimidated by smart women, but also its how we portray ourselves to men that might be intimidating

and on a general note, there are women who portray this image of themselves as standoffish.. meaning they think they want to be approached by men but they give off this aura of "approach me and u die" without realising and they end up miserable.

By Blogger Mystique, at 1:27 PM  

umm... i'll have to disagree with u on that 1... no matter how u portray yourself most men don't want some1 with a higher level of education... try me for example... i'm in another field now and i don't mention that i'm an MD when i meet some1... the moment they know (especially if they only have an undergrad degree) they cool off... I have a male friend who himself told me that about men in general and himself!... oh and Dr.Phil also mentioned it :p I totally understand... coz to tell u the truth i didn't work that hard on myself to take some1 who's jealous of me instead of supporting me... THAT would make me miserable!!!

By Blogger MiMi, at 7:21 PM  

oracle, its not like u hate the man !! you have to go into the marriage knowing you don't love him but you will try to be fair with him and respect him.. and who knows love might grow after that ! if not then you have respect.

By Blogger Mystique, at 9:50 AM  

mimi, what you said is true of most men.. but there are always exceptions to the rule

By Blogger Mystique, at 9:51 AM  

i am very surprised (and glad) to see Mystique taking a 3rd person view regarding this issue. reading all your responds i know i will be fired by at least two individuals here.. so Saving Private Ryan is up to me.

man and woman are equal yet they are differenet. always remember that man think in a practical way when woman always think in an emotional way and thats what it is all about here. love in one side versus compatibility on the other side. the compatibility cannot stand alone against love. However, compatibility with respect is a very good substitute to love.

In these dark times and society, love marriage is RARE. it is not impossible, it is rare. the question is how to find it, how to discover it and the most important question is: are you willing to go the whole nine yard for it?

Whether the man or the woman wants to be superior is not the case. what matters is that their marriage/relationship works. both of man and woman complete each other. it doesn't matter who leads as long as both of them believe that it will work.

i don't know if i am making sence now because i am starving.

By Blogger Det. Conan, at 1:38 PM  

det conan.. i think u made perfect sense and well said !! i agree with you as well.. love marriage has become rare.

By Blogger Mystique, at 10:18 AM  

Mystique, know this. most people don't know these (maybe ignorance, maybe stupidity). Marriage is an oath the person take infront of god to take care of his wife and be with her in good situations and bad situations (in sickness and in health... etc).

the man have to choose wisely whether to give the oath or not. however, the woman have the choice whether to believe him or not.

Note: in real world, this isn't happening. the Milkah changed shape by society from witnessing the oath to a circus playground.

By Blogger Det. Conan, at 8:39 AM  

I personally wouldn't to take the risk. There has to be at least a little bit of love. Marrying someone I've no feelings for doesn't feel right. And nothing guarantees I'd have feelings for him later... so I wouldn't want that.

By Blogger TripleTee, at 4:45 PM  

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