Zombie
Sunday, May 14, 2006



I have been totally exhausted lately..I think its the combination of work, trying to keep up with my increasingly active son and longing for quality time with my husband that is getting to me finally..

I go to work every morning at 9 and I stay there till 4:30.. by the time I get home its 5 and I try to spend some time with my son who greets me with a huge smile and then some hair pulling as if to say "where have u been all day?? " I treasure this time with him and give him his daily shower (as I don't allow anyone else to do it) and feed him .. by that time its 6 and my husband has just got back from work.. we have our one meal together and play with our son until he sleeps..

and then I turn into a zombie...

something just switches off.. I push myself all day and then suddenly I just switch off .. its been happening alot lately and I just can't wait to go on holiday..

then there is the guilt factor.. if I decide to go out with my husband I feel guilty about leaving my son at home since I already feel guilty that I work all day and he's alone in the house.. I wish my hours were different and I went home at 2:30 like alot of other mothers because maybe then I wouldn't feel this guilt.. but until then I just have to deal with it ..

I also feel guilt because I want to be spending more time with my husband emotionally and mentally.. not just by physically being there.. but by not being a zombie by 9 everyday.. everyone keeps telling me that we should go away for a few days just me and him.. but then the guilt factor above (^^^^) kicks in again.. its a never ending loop..

maybe this holiday will do me good .. I guess I just have to hold on by then, hope my son will forgive me for my tiredness. and thank my husband for his love, dedication and never ending patience.

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10 comment(s):

That you're working so hard to give everyone what they deserve is a mom to be proud of...lol
though 9 to 4:30's a pretty long time!!... as long's you know your son's in good hands and as a working mother you find time to spend with all of them, it's great. You are not neglecting your child... I'm pretty sure he's a happy boy :D... but I see the stress of time management there :S... I hope this summer holiday does you well.

By Blogger TripleTee, at 1:09 PM  

Triple Tee ,, i hope so too,, i am looking forward to it alot

i think the best scenario for a mother is either to work in a school so that she comes home when her children do and has holidays when they do.. or the most perfect scenario is to be her own boss running her own business (my dream)... that is of course if a woman still wants to work outside the house.

By Blogger Mystique, at 1:34 PM  

i see myself in ur words gurl.. thu honestly u do more than i do,, maybe coz am living with my mama so i feel safe abotu my son.. but never the less i feel guilty coz i feel i am not there for him even when i am at home.. donno maybe coz my mama being there and mee feeling so tired after work just makes me feel oh its ok have a break and as a result i spend less time with my son and also husbo :(

U r doing gr8 gull.. dont feel guilty at all.. i wish i do as much as u do for ur son and husboo..

Surrprisingly althu i get sometime to rest somedays, i still do turn into ZOMBIE as u said! and i feel i am not with my husband as i should be..

sometimes i just take him foregranted when i should not and should put more effort in spending quality time with him and son ..

Grl u r just cool dont worry am sure u neva did less than ur best for ur son n husband :)

By Blogger FerreroRoche, at 2:15 PM  

you know I think having a job where your children are closeby like schools and what not's quite ideal... but perhaps only when they're young...cuz when they get older it's better to give them some space to breathe ..lol..
personally I know I wouldn't have enjoyed it if my parents were around at home AND in school...omg lol, have mercy!!! :p

being your own boss is most probably the best!!
since I'm sure you have it in you, inshalla your dream will come true :)

By Blogger TripleTee, at 11:06 PM  

You need a break, stop beating yourself up. You need to remember you're no super human or super mom. Rest before you've a break down :)

And I'm sure you're doing a great job.

By Blogger Lym, at 4:24 AM  

Ferrero, you always have a calming effect on me.. i know i worry too much ,, u know how i am.

Triple Tee.. god i never meant work in the same school that my kids would got to!! the horror.. my mother is a headmistres and i would have hated going to her school...

Lym, i know ! believe me i know... soon inshallah

By Blogger Mystique, at 9:37 AM  

oracle - lol how about win the lottery then retire?

By Blogger Mystique, at 1:54 PM  

LOL, freeze your eggs! I think about doing that everytime I get my period..

Mys, I bet when you are with your cute little baby you give him 100% of yourself and thats more than a lot of moms do who are home all the time but don't give their kids what they need ;)

By Blogger Samyah, at 12:54 AM  

Since your work starts at 9am it gives you the advantage of being with your son from the time he wakes up and you get to be with him for his breakfast before you go to work, which is something most working mothers don't get. My son wakes up by 6.30 and we have to be out of the door by 7.10. I think you just need to maximize whatever time you have and don't feel guilty about it. You're doing what you can.

By Blogger muscati, at 8:00 PM  

I know Sam and Muscati.. but don't you sometimes feel that even your best is not enough?

i am feeling better now though.. i think its just a phase and once i stop feeling guilty about it i will be back to my usual self.

By Blogger Mystique, at 1:25 PM  

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